


Phantoms

by ElZacharie



Series: RvB Angst War [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, RvB Angst War, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElZacharie/pseuds/ElZacharie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Church battles with the phantoms in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phantoms

**Author's Note:**

> At first this started out as a thing about me hating how the fandom ignores or outright hates Church then this happened.
> 
> This is based on the Church in my own system idk
> 
> EDIT:
> 
> So, thanks to some asshole on tumblr, you get a disclaimer! NO TWO SYSTEMS ARE THE SAME DiD IS NOT A COOKIE CUTTER DISORDER. JUST BECAUSE MY SYSTEM DOESNT WORK LIKE YOURS OR OTHER PEOPLES DOESNT MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THIS *MY* EXPERIENCE, NOT YOURS.

There’s times when Leonard Church thinks everyone hates him.

No. Not thinks. He knows they do, the dark blue phantom in his head whispers.

It’s because of him they’re in this mess. It’s always his fault. If he hadn’t gotten himself killed, hadn’t tried to fix it… if he hadn’t been born in the first place, these people wouldn’t be here.

But is that true, the green phantom ponders. Is he really the reason these incompetent soldiers are here, or is he just thinking the world revolves around him once again?

Well, maybe or maybe not. The details don’t matter. Not like he can remember in the first place. But he did bring her here.

And he never thought you’d see her again, the gold phantom cries, ever the optimist. He thought her a phantom like the rest of them, but she’s real, she’s here.

He brought her here.

And he got her killed.

No, he knows for a fact that they all hate them. He can hear it in their voices, feel it in the way they tense when he makes his presence known. They don’t want to be nearby when his short fuse lights. They don’t want anything to do with him.

But what about Caboose, the purple phantom pipes up. He adores him.

No. Caboose adores the idea of Leonard Church. The friend, the one he can depend upon to keep him functioning, despite only being held together by tape and glue. He doesn’t like the Church that throws tantrums, that curls into a ball in the closet as he screams, not sure what has him so upset.

The light blue phantom begins to speak, but he knows it’s only lying. It doesn’t even try to be sincere in its words. It doesn’t believe in them any more he does.

And then the black phantom, the one that’s made of a cloud of hatred and contempt and can’t be reasoned with, fills his thoughts. Just like the one before it, it speaks lies, but it is far more convincing. Sometimes, he even believes what it’s saying.  
The red phantom has nothing to say. It simply watches with disgusted intrigue.

There’s only one phantom missing from the swirl of voices in his head, which have begun to talk over one another. The black one, but not like a cloud, far more solid and real than any of the others. When Church can feel it, it’s not so simple as the others; it’s made of death and destruction and failure and love and happiness and so many things he can’t begin to describe.

It’s never truly been there, for as long as he can remember; its comforting presence was always just out of reach.

But, today, it is there. It wraps its arms around him, holding him close it its chest, telling him to breathe, Church, breathe. He’s going to be okay, the big baby. It’s here now.

One by one, the phantoms quiet. They are never truly gone, simply watching from the side and waiting their turn. Only one steps forward to return the missing phantoms embrace.

The sky blue one let’s out a single tear. The body mimics this.  
It miss them. It doesn’t want them to leave again.

They say they can’t promise anything. It understands.

But do they hate them?

Leonard Church can’t remember the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> leonerdchurch.tumblr.com


End file.
